Social Etiquette in NYC

Nothing is ever really considered “out of the ordinary” in New York City, but there are rules within the chaos. The city's nature makes time and space critical aspects of living in New York City and, when compromised, residents are not afraid to share their true feelings.  If you plan on living in New York, we recommend you keep an open mind to peoples' reactions to your actions and conform to the etiquette that is considered the norm in New York.Common Courtesy Although it’s not an absolute rule, holding the door for others remains a common practice – especially for women and the elderly. Even leaving an elevator, the old fashioned rule of “women and children first” is handy to remember. In the same way, if you bump into a stranger on the street, do apologize quickly, and then move on. Unless you’ve seriously hurt someone or knocked something down there’s no need to be overly dramatic or cause awkwardness by insisting you help.There are many common polite phrases that are very much the norm. Thanking the bus driver when you get off the bus, greeting cashiers, or saying “have a nice day” to people when you leave somewhere are very common acts. Keep in mind: “Hi, how are you?” is a greeting, not a question. The correct response is “good, how are you?” – nobody expects you to answer with how you are actually feeling, and if you do so, it is likely to be awkward for the person who greeted you.Of course, these rules are really just social convention aimed at making life in a busy city a little easier. If a person is approaching a door from far off, you don’t need to hang back just to open it for him or her – it could be embarrassing or even insulting. In general, let situations evolve naturally, and don’t go out of your way trying to follow strict social rules.Learning to WalkThe urban sprawl of New York City means that the main pathways are going to be the sidewalks.  Residents become annoyed by people who walk too slowly through the streets especially during busy hours.  If you are walking slower than those around you, either pick up the pace or make sure you are out of the way so that others can pass you.  This is especially important when you are walking with a group as you can essentially form a blockade from anyone being able to pass your group without stepping into the street.  If you stop abruptly in the middle of a busy sidewalk to look at your phone or a map, expect some less-than-kind words out of those whose walking was interrupted by your sudden stop.  The same should be said at the bottom or top of an escalator or staircase – you need to keep moving!On escalators the general rule is “stand right, walk left.” This means that if you want to stand still on the escalator and ride it all the way up, stay on the right hand side to allow others to pass you. If you want to walk up the escalator, do so on the left side.Be a CommuterPublic transportation is where many New Yorkers find themselves for a significant portion of the day.  You should know the basics on how to make the most of the expansive subway system and how to do so quickly. When you approach the turnstile, make sure you have your Metrocard ready – and know how much money is on it.  No one is going to be amused if you have to flip through multiple Metrocards or need to exit the queue because you didn't have enough money to go through the turnstile.When the train arrives, always let the current passengers leave the train before attempting to board. Once on the train, be aware of your space.  If you're wearing a backpack, take it off so that you don't bump into others with it unknowingly.  If listening to music, do so at a low volume with headphones so that you do not bother others.  You should not talk on the phone on the train or bus, but if you must take an emergency call, be sure to do so at a low volume.On all public buses and subways there are “priority seats” which are reserved for the elderly and people with disabilities. While it is ok to sit in them if nobody else is waiting for a seat, it’s best practice to offer them to others before you sit in them and to keep an eye out for those who might need them more than you – remember that not all disabilities are visible.The Waiting GameA common theme in New York City is lack of time to do anything, especially waiting in a line. When standing in line for anything – be it pizza, ice cream, or movie tickets - be sure to make a decision and pay quickly so that the line moves smoothly. Unlike some countries, lines are extremely organized and usually single-file.  Do not try to approach the counter before the person in front of you has already done so. Cutting the line is considered extremely rude!Making FriendsWith over 8 million people, there are plenty of potential friends to make in New York City.  While the sheer size of the city might be intimidating, there are certain things you can learn from Americans when meeting new people.When starting a conversation with a stranger at a networking event, in an elevator, or at a bus stop keep the dialogue casual.  Questions like, “Is it me, or is the subway busier than usual?” will give others the opportunity to answer your open-ended question with “yes” or “no” and then decide if they want to continue the conversation. Many people are happy to make small talk, but if the person you address is mostly unresponsive don't be too pushy.You should also never make conversation about anything that may be on the sensitive side, such as politics, religion, or economic status. Unless the other person mentions it, stay away from questions about relationship status or sexual orientation, too. These are topics that are reserved for individuals who you have identified as your close friends. It’s also considered rude to ask how much money somebody earns; though this might be acceptable in other cultures, in the U.S. salary falls under the category of “personal information.”Dinner DatesWhen dining out, don't be surprised if you are meeting for dinner later than expected – on the weekend, dinner at 8:30 or 9 p.m. is common in New York. On the other hand, business functions and dinners can start surprisingly early – around 6 p.m.– which can be a shock to certain European and South American nationals. Because of the longer commuting times, many NYC professionals can’t afford to stay too late. Always be on time for any meeting for dinner as many restaurants will not keep your reservation if you are more than 15 minutes late. When being served food, always wait to eat until everyone’s food has arrived.Many New Yorkers do not invite their friends to their homes for dinner as living quarters can be quite tight, but don't be surprised if it happens in more suburban areas or from friends who have larger apartments or houses.  Generally, common courtesy is to ask if you can bring anything, such as a bottle of wine or a dessert. Even if your host says “no,” bring something small and tasteful. We found that bringing flowers is not as commonly done as in Europe, so you are playing it safe with a good bottle of wine or Champagne. When you arrive at the house, you should be okay to leave your shoes on but be sure to ask if you think it might not be in line with your host's heritage or personal preference.  If offered a drink or coffee, say yes the first time if you would like to take up their offer.  Although accepting the first offer is considered rude in other cultures, New Yorkers likely won't ask again. Dinners at home tend to end after coffee, don’t linger on unless the hosts ask you to. While leaving right after dinner would be considered rude in many European cultures, New Yorkers live on a tight schedule.Here's a TipTipping in New York City will probably be expected more than you are used to.  It needs a bit of adjustment for anyone moving here from another country, that’s why we’ve put together a separate guide for you:  Tipping in NYC.SmokingNew Yorkers are extremely health conscious – and with Mayor Bloomberg having initiated various successful campaigns, this city is not for smokers! Smoking is not even allowed in the city’s parks, let alone any public building. If you are a smoker, you need to strictly “keep your smoke to yourself.”  You also should never assume that you can smoke indoors anywhere – even if it is a friend's home who is also a smoker.  Lastly, if you are going to smoke after a meal, wait until the entire meal is finished and then step outside the building.Becoming a New YorkerWhile there are other nuances you will learn while living in the city that never sleeps, this should get you off on the right track.  Note that if you ever have any questions about etiquette you should ask your friends or co-workers to ensure you are not insulting anyone.  No one would ever blame you for not knowing as an international.